Jul 3, 2020, VikTory

ENVY: Why we are afraid of it and how to use it for good


I admit: I am envy.

Until recently I thought it is a bad thing. It is considered a bad feeling in our society.

But it is not.

Before you judge me, let me explain!

It is an emotion like happiness, pride or joy.

The emotion is just a feeling in itself. It is the action that follows that more often leads to not so pleasant things, as revenge is often seen as a given consequence to feeling envy.

Let me elucidate:

I realized years ago that I am envy. I envy my friend who had rich and wealthy parents. And I felt guilty for feeling envy. Because I knew I am blessed. I have a loving family and food on the table. I shouldn’t complain. That made me feel even angrier for feeling envy. But it didn’t make me feel less envy.

And so I decided to explore this feeling of ENVY and actually find out what it wants to tell me and instead of letting me feel down and angry. Angry at myself and the world, I decided to see WHY I am feeling envy. And one question of WHY lead to many. Like the 2 and 3 years olds who actually have a natural phase in developing as a human being of asking countless why questions.

Well, I don’t want to put myself on the same level as a 2-year-old, but let me tell you asking all these questions of why brought me all the real answers, the underlying answers on why I truly felt envy and more pleasing and answer on what I could do!

I realized I am envy because for me having wealthy or rich parents meant they have it easy. Being successful, a great dancer, going after your dreams is easy if you have parents with money.

Why? Because they pay for your private lessons, they pay for the school you want to visit

So why am feeling such strong emotions of envy to one particular person then?

Because she went to the school I wanted to go to. She was planning on spending the whole summer in NYC.

Dancing in NYC! My dream for years. But until then it was still just a dream of mine because it was expensive to study and to live in NYC and for someone with rich parents easy to do.

But I wanted this!

So by following my feeling of envy and digging for the source I actually realized that my true goal is to dance in NYC and it felt so painful because she was going after this dream. A dream that I had for so long but seemed so unreachable. For many reasons but one of the biggest one was money. You can’t live and study in another continent, especially a city like NYC without money or rich parents.

Or can’t you?

Now that I discovered my burning wish, a goal I was too scared to admit to myself and was a failure just too easy to blame on my parents, well I was screwed. Because I grew up with the mindset of no excuses. Not having money isn’t an excuse to go after a dream. I am envy to a point where it hurt because only through this strong emotion, I realized what I truly wanted!

So instead of blaming my parents for not having more money. (At this point I want to mention that they worked nonstop. They raised 6 kids and they gave their last short for their kids, but no I didn’t grow up rich!)

Instead of trying to tear down my friend.

Instead of looking down on her because she has it so easy.

I decided to take this new energy and forth and turn it into something good and driven and figure out a way how I can archive this burning goal insight me and be a dance in NYC

In short: Turn a usually considered “negative emotion”, look for the deeper meaning and turn it into action and something good!

And what can I tell you? It worked. It motivated me because it showed me it is possible to go after this dream after all, because money alone isn’t a reason to not give this huge goal a shot.

10 years later I am living in the USA as a proud owner of a Green Card!

I could have bullied this girl, blamed my parents and the world for everything, but instead, I turned it around and used it as a stepping stone for me to get what I truly want.

Once I realized this “method” I used it more often!

And what I have learned over the years: The most beneficial part of it is that whenever I feel envy about something or something it is usually because this person has something I want. Nothing superficial, but something deeper. A skill or a life I dreamed about. And just because of that it creates such strong emotions and reactions in me. And soon I can figure out how I can get there! Because just because of this emotion I know what I truly want!! And then go after it!

Your emotion is a sign, guidance. It is then up to you what you do with it.

Sometimes we don’t have to do anything. But sometimes we can use it as a catapult to transfer our life to the next level, but we should never use it to tier someone else down!

So why are you envy?

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