Today I celebrate! (A second chance of life)Blog
Today it’s been exactly 2 years that I got yet another chance in life! An anniversary I am incredibly lucky to be celebrating.
It’s been exactly 2 years today that I was rushed into hospital and survived even though there was nearly no hope left. I wrote a blog post about it in case you want to read it in detail: a-second-chance-in-life
Today, 2 years later I reflect. As much as I’d love to tell you that I am healed. That I left it all behind. That from that day onward I lived happily ever after – It would be a lie. I may repeat myself but I have to say it again: I don’t wish an eating disorder on anyone. Not even my biggest enemy! It’s been the hardest, most challenging and longest challenge in my life. And it isn’t over yet.
Looking back, I realized a lot has changed. I worked hard for that! And it has definitely changed to the better! Ultimately, I am beyond grateful. I am thankful for my heart to still beat and to still be alive. I don’t take that as granted anymore at all. I laugh more, I feel more, I challenge myself, I go after things I want to do, but there is still a lot that is yet to solve and heal.
Other than with drug addiction you can’t just eliminate food. You have to eat at least 3 times a day, always the right things and the right amount. The food that is “right” though is different for everyone, as well as the amount and what makes it the hardest for me: I can not just eat because my body unlearned how to digest food properly.
I know step backs are part of the journey and I learned it the hard way. As an all-or-nothing person I quickly wanted to give up when things where not perfect, but I couldn’t. When the other option is death you think twice if you want to give up! Fighting and doing it even though I was in pain and your mind screams the opposite is one of the hardest thing there is.
If you then open up to people or they have read your story on your website and they respond like: “Well, you will always be sick if you have had an eating disorder. People have to deal with it their whole life” -It was easier to believe them. And so I did for a while.
If I thought about it logically, I knew it was wrong. I knew there had to be a way to heal my body, to be healthy and thrive again. But there was a lot of fear. When people say you look pregnant, you look “round” and if you are sick you will always be sick – your heart starts believing it. It’s not an excuse, but an explanation.
After asking more in depth why they would say something like that, you realize it’s just a way they want to response. It’s dangerous, because based on hear-say and not knowledge. They just don’t know better. They have read a little something about it and in order to say something they repeat it, unknowingly destroying so much hope and past work of mine. And in my weakest moments I just wanted to believe it. I was desperate. And yes, I admit it is easier to have excuses and to go back to old habits and behaviors than stepping up!
But deep down, when we are truly honest to ourselves, we know what’s right and wrong. We may not have the answer on how, and we are scared to take action. But maybe we don’t have to have the answer to everything right then and there! As long as we step up and DO it. No, not trying. By trying, you excuse your failure already! You say to yourself: “well at least I tried.” But at the same time, you don’t give yourself a real chance from the begin with!
So: No, don’t try it: DO IT!
There is a big difference! Do it- because there is a solution. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking, keep searching, keep reaching out. And most of all, be kind to you. Don’t make excuses, but be kind.
Patience and consistence are one of the most important key points in recovery as well as achieving anything big and challenging in life. And remember: if you can’t stop thinking about it you know you must DO i!
Yes, that means we are in charge of our own faith. It can be scary. It means a lot of work, daily, but it can also be utterly empowering.
I realized lately that I stopped believing that it was possible to be completely healthy and not just semi healthy. I tolerated the fact that I will never have a period and won’t be able to eat food without pain.
But it stopped. It stopped when I realized deep in my heart, I had this wrong believe! And what we believe is true! It is true because our mind and heart is a powerful tool and it becomes out reality.
By changing my believe system and replacing it with a new, healthy image of myself, I stopped tolerating anything less than that and I took action.
I reached out for help as well as educating myself in different ways or healing and nutrition. Taking action right away by setting up appointments and taking charge of my destiny. Because ignorance will sooner or later hurt you and not help you!!
I knew a lot of those things in the past, but sometimes you need a reminder, a new burst of energy and believe! Tony Robbins did exactly that for me. I attended his Unleash the power within seminar in Dallas this month. I do realize people have different opinions about him, but I am beyond grateful for him to have shown me that I can change my believe system and therefore my action and the outcome!
I want to motivate you to take action. I have met so many people over the past years that I am lucky to work and create with but they experienced so much pain. It led them stuck in their own mind and in pain, accepting just that.
Let’s step up together and stop tolerating anything less than happiness.
No that doesn’t mean I am naive and I believe every day is wonderful. Believe me I went through a lot in life and recovery is still one of the hardest thing ever above rape and starting fresh from nothing in a foreign country and continent!
But let’s not forget there is something beautiful every day.
Happiness is a choice and depends so much on where we put our focus on. What we believe in, what we tolerate and if we take action or not.
So I may not yet have reached full health. But I now truly know in my heart there is, and I will. I am doing this – not trying it but doing it and believing in the final outcome of pure health and happiness! I am not afraid to reach out and search for help and I do this with a heart full of gratitude and it’s still beating for me!
Today I celebrate all the achievements I have made over the past 2 years. Everything I have learned about me and life in general. The people I have met, have opened up and the ultimate pride I feel when I do make 2 steps forward and one back! Every challenge is a chance to grow, the bigger the challenge the more you can grow- if you focus on it!
I believe in you, do you?
Click on the image to enlarge and see in color!
4 green eyes
When you get photobombed and turn it into an opportunity. . “4 green eyes ”Photography by vector one Model / dancer VikTory
vs TODAY!!! (click on the image to enlarge and see in color)
way more important than an image that shows so little of what is really going on is the joy, freedome that I won and most of all a big part of health! Let’s get all the way there!